Se*. It is everywhere. The walls are allowing it to escape. The floorboards are being inundated. Your mother yells, “Where’s all this se* coming from,” as she raises the sofa on cinder blocks to shield it from the se* tide. “Up the stairs, with all the white stuff!” So which PC se* games are the best?
You yell back, “Get with it mum, you gigantic prude,” opening the back door and letting a great wave of filthy se* wash over the living room, sweeping your dad’s slippers away in a foamy deluge while the family dog howls and barks, bewildered and drenched. You have se* now. Or residences located in low-lying flood plains. I’m never able to recall which is which.
Crusader Kings 3
The main theme of Crusader Kings 3 is surviving in a society where you can connive, connive, connive, kill, and bang your way to the top. You should have an heir ready for when you’re poisoned because with this risky lifestyle, you’re certain to run against opponents along the way who, understandably, want you dead after you slept with their spouse.
In Crusader Kings 3, se* somehow always plays a role in everything. You might even be able to charm the Pope if that’s your thing after finding your wife humping a painting of your granddad. Do you desire someone to carry on your legacy? Se* up! Desire to rule as a monarch? Se* up! Do you want to be angry that you discovered your husband was having an affair with your cousin? By chance, did you witness them having se*? In any case, Crusader Kings 3 is a pretty frank portrayal of what people are like when permitted to be their worst selves, and our CK3 review can attest to how entertaining that is. Here is our Crusader Kings 3 beginner’s tutorial if any of these s**ual scenarios pique your curiosity.
For fear of having to animate all the wobbly portions without someone’s critical parts sticking in the landscape and elongating to span the distance between Sanctuary and the Glowing Sea, Bethesda is subtle in its representation of the deed (incidentally the same technique employed by the medical practitioners who send enthusiastic emails to young men of low self-esteem).
True to life, se* in Fallout 4 is dependent upon a number of ongoing, difficult charisma tests. You will be treated to a fade to black and a night on one of the stained mattresses that the residents of the Commonwealth of the video game’s Commonwealth prefer after becoming familiar with the many Fallout 4 bugs, crashes, and fixes that can interrupt your virtual coitus and should you successfully navigate the necessary checks and balances that prevent se* from happening to weakly persuasive 200-year-old widowers.
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy
Without mentioning the horrifying se* scene in Farenheit: Indigo Prophecy, in which a woman engages in full se* with a man who is essentially an animated corpse at the end of the world and pauses only to comment that he is “freezing,” this list of se* games would be a complete mess.
Let me tell you, I don’t want to be on any sort of se* games list like that. Bonus points are given for this se* act occurring in a jumble of dirty, old, wee-smelling cardboard boxes in some type of hole in the ground where vile people reside.
One Night Stand
What would you do if you woke up next to a naked stranger sleeping in a strange room with a fuzzy head? An independent se* game called One Night Stand portrays the awkward morning following a wild night of romance. You’ll need to talk to the stranger, look around the weird bedroom for hints, and eventually choose how you want the experience to end. One Night Stand has twelve possible outcomes depending on your choices, but what makes it so compelling is how natural and realistic the interactions between the characters feel.